ku rasa bersalah

mengandungi gambar yg tak sesuai untuk tontonan umum

well ku rasa bersalah entah kenapa...

cite dia mcm ni...

tadi terbaca FEED facebook xgf saya...

ada satu cite yg paling mengejutkan n ku rasa bersalah... nak tau ke???

tak pe la.. saya cite tu kalau malas nak baca cite saya dgn xgf... turunkan browser ni sampai ke garisan akhir

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cite dia mcm ni.. mula2 bagaimana saya kenal dia...

dulu ada kisah.. ku gi Penang ada tahlil arwah ayah di sana made by my cousins (yg sygkan arwah ayah)... so satu malam tu.. my auntie punya kwn Puan Ros (terpaksa guna name friendster dia) ajak keluar... biasa la... mereka ni kwn baik dari zaman remaja.. btw to tell u bahawa Puan R punya suami or my xgf's father meninggal dunia pada hari sama arwah ayah saya meninggal dunia cuma beza 2 jam sahaja.

ok, so malam tu dia ajak keluar.. my auntie ajak la keluar.. biasa la.. my auntie pity me sbb i was so close to my father... so dia ajak la.. maybe put a smile on my face again.. so as i keluar.. jumpa la Puan Ros..

so Puan R mmg kenal me.. dari i kecil lagi.. not only me.. even my bros n sis as well.. so Puan R pun bawa kita gi makan2 di tempat pulau but b4 that she bawa ke rumah baru dia.. wow cantik.. seriously like my house of dreams.. so then i tak tau Puan R ada anak kedua yg lahir pada tahun 1988.. n malam tu dia tuition.. so Puan R nak ambil kita n join...

so kita ambil anak dia... so dari situ la i kenal dgn my xgf... dia muka mcm mak dia cuma gelap sikit.. she was so cute tapi one thing... my mind duk pikir, eh minah ni mcm gang2 rempit yg u kenal ke?? anyway forget it.. so i pun malu la berkenalan.. so then Puan Ros pun tell me.. mari auntie introduce anak auntie..

so masa tu she came in.. tak introduce herself.. she pun senyap... Puan R told my auntie.. anak saya ni sama mcm Aiman, dia syg ayahnya... dia nampak ayahnya dlm jubah putih pergi tinggalkan bye2. I pun ada gak.. but mine.. well me jumpa Malaikat Maut.. not as he warn me i will be dead but to inform me.. bersedia someone in the family is going to leave... anyway apa2 pun hanya Allah lebih tau..

so Puan Ros cite la... lepas cite dia cakap kat me n my xgf tu,

"HELLO ORG BELAKANG, TAK NAK CAKAP KE??"

ala... bukan apa.. i also takde topic nak cakap.. i also kan masa tu dlm.. recovery.. also masa tu i have already DUMPED my stupid ridsect smelling xgf... so i tak de byk topic but we do talk a bit...

so di tempat makan, Puan R pun.. told me to sit beside her.. i tak tau niat sebenar Puan Ros.. but she mmg want me to kenal with her.. so we pun berkenalan.. cakap la benda kecil2.. mmg we were close that time.. n then b4 balik we exchange numbers... i was happy to know her... besides my hope was kinda high sbb ini mak approval gf... mak dah approve so apa lagi ?? dah green light kan????

lagipun mak dia kenal me... huhu.. mana la tak gembira.. i tried to be the best bf.. n masa tu.. i try to know her better.. nak tau lagu apa dia suka, cite apa dia minat.. n mcm2.. we mmg love each other.. i know she SPM so i bagi dia nasihat n mcm2..

n one day.. masa di Cameron Highlands tahun 2005.. i met Kak Wanie for the last time (until 2009).. i told Kak Wanie.. "kak, buat keychain special ni untuk my gf,"

Kak Wanie pun buat la... i remembered i tulis "Dear ******, Good Luck in Your SPM!"

design tu pun cantik Kak Wanie buat...

n satu hari tu masa di Penang... my xgf tak datang.. mak dia dgn cousin dia datang.. sad.. i wanted to give her this gift personally...

tapi in the end, i gave to her mother.. mak dia syg me.. n gave me a hug n tickle me... she knows i am a good boy...

my xgf that time thanked me n said sorry tak dapat datang kerana teman nenek dia di SURE HEBOH...

later my xgf stayed in KL at my house... tumpang.. so i ingat lagi.. rumah i ada byk masalah in electrical n plumbing.. jadi semua i fix... aircond, lampu, kipas, paip tersmubat n semua la.. so that she will know i did it.. n tak nak dia stay di rumah yg rosak kot..

masa tu leh ingat lagi, Puan R dan dia bercerita.. dia cakap la.. "Aiman awk leh call anak saya Intan ke??? Short form dia ke?? sygku ke?? apa2 la.. bergurau sambil my Xgf tersipu2.."

i cant remember that day.. i was at OU sbb something.. n cant follow her balik... adeh...

ooo yea, tried to tell her i di Sepang tgk Japan GT... wow was happy that day.. tak ingat kenapa

anyway masa she was taking SPM, well a day b4 SPM.. i dekat hutan mana entah sbb ada relative punya weddding.. I called her tak dapat.. but one thing... i sms her.. to tell her Good Luck la... she tak angkat...

ok tak pe... i tau dia bz...

Aku tgk cite james bond pun.. ada awek muka mcm dia..

muka dia mcm Kissy Suzuki




after her spm.. i sms n call her.. no avail.. tak pe.. she must be bz..

soon i rasa pelik... kenapa i sms or call.. no answer...

until one last day in penang.. she was there.. we date one last time.. i saw her.. dgn baju yg cun, handphone yg canggih, sumbang belian n mcm2 la..

apa2 pun she mcm biasa.. but pelik gak kan... she actually didnt sms me after the date.. mcm something bad happen...

apa2 pun.. i heard from my auntie... that.. semasa arwahnya meninggal, ayahnya meinggalkan harta yg byk.. so she gets a piece... dari situ mereka menjadi kaya..

dgr tu... saya sedar saya ditinggalkan kerana.. dia sudah kaya dan tinggalkan me yg tak de duit atau harta mcm dia.. tau la dia ada RMXXX,XXX dlm account dia...

so masa tu saya masih terima dia... walaupun cousin dah nasihatkan hati2... anyway i slowly lupakan dia.. n tgk gambar satu awek cun dari gannu ni (my crush la, she is HOT) ... so as time passes by... Puan R call.. dia kata anaknya akan study di universiti ni.. dan apa2 masalah leh go to me.. also she said this "Aiman, take care of my daughter k, i trust u,"

auntie kata mcm tu.. ku janji.. tapi si xgf aku masih tak contact... n then i manage to add her in friendster after she inform dia nak tukar number hp...

i ada tanya kenapa tak reply my sms n angkat my calls.. tau apa dia jawab ??

"Since when you call n sms me???"

dgr tu dah broken hearted but anyway i left her... dgn kecewa n sedih.. sbb she dah tak kisah pasal me.. tau la dia kaya kan.. aku ni ada apa... i sedar mak dia pun dah jarang contact maybe sbb malu kot...

syg, tapi masa tu... tgk la fs dia.. penuh dgn gambar kwn2 dia yg mmg KAYA !!!

pastu keluar malam byk kali....

dia dah byk berubah... ku tak tau la...

apa2 pun i left her, i found out dia ada bf... maybe bf yg baik than me... but soon tinggalkan dia after he hurt her badly... n that time she came back to me.. n minta me to teman her (teman bual handphone la)... i did n i was stupid not listening to my frens who told me... "she is taking advantage over u, she kalau ada problem akan cari u la.. sbb u je yg jenis dia leh tell her probs.."

apa2 pun... she repeated the same thing.. maybe i mmg bodoh masa tu...

but i forgot about her bila dah ada penganti masa tu... mmg sedih la..

we nearly got engaged but failed =(

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saya found out... Xgf saya akan berkahwin tak lama lagi...

sbbnya dia dah pregnant dgn anak bf baru dia... jadi dia terpaksa berkahwin also perut buncitnya tak leh lari dari pandangan ramai..

kwn2 sekelasnya mengejek perutnya also tanya bila kahwin n keadaan perutnya...

sedih saya dgr.. sbb maknya baik... i was like.. pity the mother.. also i rasa sad kerana i cant take care of her... u know jaga dia daripada terjerat dgn benda mcm ni..

many my frens said "aiman u tak bersalah.. u mmg nak jaga dia.. tapi dia yg tak nak u jaga dia also dia tak nak berkwn dgn u.. so dia yg salah not u.."

tapi i still rasa mcm bersalah...

maybe nak blame kwn2 dia yg super kaya tu.. sbb pergaulan sosial dia terlampau bebas bila masuk uni ini... also saya kenal sgt2 kwn dia yg satu n dua tu..

maybe blame uni yg dia study tu... sbb uni tu famous dgn perkara maksiat.. n maksiat begitu berleluasa.. sampai ada kwn bagi tau.. mmg tak safe kalau ada di situ... saya pun ada kenalan di sana yg ada jual body.. also kalau anda sedar byk video lucah dari uni tersebut.

saya rasa bersalah.. sbb tak menjadi laki idamannya juga mengelak dia daripada melakukan perkara tak senonoh ini...

apa2 pun i doakan for you both a happy family also anak awk sihat...

to my xgf... i know i am sorry for everything.. i tau i am a not a nice rich guy.. maybe u read this blog you would say i ni teruk or whatsoever.. apa apa pun.. i am sorry n i pray u will have a happy family..

btw ada POLL n tolong undi k !!!! ----->